"I Love You"

I can't tell you how many times those three words have been emptied of their meaning. Maybe for some people, they have heard it so many times from people who should be showing that they love them. But, all that those people do is just seem like a house guest instead of an active member of the family. This is not meant to bash or hurt anyone. I'm going to share with you something from my life. note: it's not intended to hurt anyone... I love you guys [:

See, my dad was there but he was never there like a daughter needs her dad to be there for her. I don't know what it's like to have a father in your life. Mine, never went to any of my school music performances when we had them. In elementary I always asked him to come. And? I always got the 'I have to work in the morning' or the 'I'm too tired' excuse. I asked til 5th grade and then I gave up. But, in 8th I asked. Well, no, I had my mom do it for me. Why? I've been rejected so many stinkin' times. I didn't want to look rejection straight in the face again. He was asked two weeks in advance. Guess what the excuse was? Yep. 'I have to work that night.' I think I found that out the night before the performance.

I know he wasn't doing this because he didn't want to go, he was doing it because his dad was never there for him... Let me say this, when he is at work, he is amazing at what he does. He works at Sams Club in the electronic area. His area is always clean and nice and put together.

I remember one (this was only once) time when he CLEANED the HOUSE. and dang, that guy can clean! it looked freakin good!! I remember when he cooked too, that was really good. I bet I can tell you why he's never done them again. He doesn't get the encouragement that he needs to build up that self-esteem. Don't get me wrong here, I do love him alot and he still needs to know and to feel the overwhelming love, joy, peace, hope that only comes through Christ Jesus.

I start to hurt when people talk about how awesome their dad is and how they spend so much time together or whatever. I wish me and my dad were like that. Will it ever change? Will I ever have the earthly father in my life that I need? I need answers! Now! I believe it can change, but, I have to work at building a relationship with my dad. fast.

I never have liked fathers day. I bet you can guess why too. Well, I'd like it alot better if me and my dad actually did father-daughter stuff. I guess it hurts me and I get upset and irritated with the ones that I love because I want things to be different. This isn't how it was meant to be. is it?

I can't recall how many times I have heard those words 'I Love You' and felt like they had no meaning. The only time I felt that those words had meaning was in Branson,Missouri at a youth convention and it finally clicked with me that the God that created everything has a relentless love for me. I often find myself wondering what do those words even mean anymore? What does it mean to truly love someone? Do you give your life for them so they can live? That's what Jesus did for us. I know he loves us because he proved to us what true love is on the cross.

Romans 5:8 says;
"God demonstrated His own LOVE for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

That is the greatest love story ever told. God loves us and proved that to us on the cross.

Often times I find myself placing the "love" I've felt or haven't felt, on God. Like the love I didn't get from my dad I'd place that on God and assume that's how He must feel too. I know that's not true. God's love is crazy, self-sacrificing, radical, and relentless.

If you're fatherless like me, you know how I feel. I know alot of teen girls, maybe guys i don't know, have felt so empty and haven't gotten the love they deserve from their dad at home have gone out and look for that love. They won't find it. It's a love that only a father can give their child. Kids need that love and structure and family time in their lives.

I didn't have that love, structure or family time. If it was there, it was obviously not very strong. I wasn't raised in a family that ate together, I wasn't taught to have table manners and my grandparents have yelled at me for not doing something right at the table. HELLO? I wasn't raised with any, out off all people they should know this.

I don't feel the pressure to date either. It never comes to mind. it's another distraction. I'm perfectly fine single. I'd rather improve my relationship with Jesus before I have a boyfriend. I have high expectations for them too. Which is good. I'm picky about who I'll allow myself to date. Sorry guys, this girl isn't dating any time soon!! I love my Jesus and my family and friends.

I'm awed by God's love for me.

PSALM 68:5
"....Father to the fatherless...."

Continued read: No One Else Knows (just scroll down and you'll find it. eventually)