As I listen to this song by Building 429, I can't help but to think of how my family acts when they ever-s0-easy bring up the topic of divorce. Something you should know, my parents have been divorced since May 8th 2009. They talk as if it doesn't phase them one bit, while I'm over there with them trying oh so hard to distract myself from it. In my mind, I'm hoping they'll ask how I'm handling it. It hardly ever happens. I just don't get how they can act like everything is a-okay and NOTHING happen. Um, hello? My family fell apart and this is how they choose to respond? It hurts me, I just don't understand how they can act like that and assume that's how I feel too. If only they knew that I've cried myself to sleep because I'm sooo hurt by this.
As a teenage girl, having broken relationships with family isn't good nor is it easy. I hate having a broken relationship with both parents. As if it weren't bad enough that my parents are divorced. The divorce seems to have hit me the hardest out of mom and kayce. I think it hurts my dad too. I'd like to think that we all went through it, but I'm convinced I'm wrong on that one.
I know in the past I've said that my parents need to get a divorce...if I knew how much pain and sleepless nights it would've caused, I wouldn't have said it. I knew somewhere in me that I didn't want that to happen. I, honestly, just wanted things to change. Well, they did. Alot. Now, my parents are divorced, I live with my mom in North Kansas City, Missouri, and I go to a new school...
Handling this is obviously not easy for me nor for anyone else who has gone through this and has actually felt that emense pain that it places on you. My mom, countless number of times, told me, and I quote "I know how you feel," and I'm thinking 'YOU LIAR!! You're parents are together still. and isn't 'I know how you feel' a statement saying you've been there?' and then after saying "I know how you feel,' she says, "I'd be hurt too IF my parents got a divorce." Um, did you notice the contradiction too?
Just thinking of how other teens handle this without Jesus, hurts me so much. I don't understand how they get through it without Him.. I have every single right to say "I know how you feel. because my parents actually got a divorce when I was a freshman in High School. It brakes my heart." My mom shouldn't say that, she has no right to. She is clueless on how I feel.
No idea of how it feels when the people whom you are supposed to look up to and never leave you, end up being the ones who do. And where/who do you go to from there? Who helps you through things that you don't understand why they had to happen to you?
The people who have meant the most seem to have been those who have left. When I was younger, I remember when my dad took me over to his parents house so they could watch me, I remember when he was supposed to leave to go to work, I wrapped my tiny arms around his neck and would not let go for anything. I hated it at his parents house. They were VERY boring for a 4-6 year old something kid to have to be around. And then when we would leave, I'd tell my mom how boring it was and we didn't get to do anything. Oh, and when my mom would take me, I screamed bloody murder...so she told me. I guess I really did hate it there.
I know that I'm not the only one who has felt pain like this. All over the world divorce happens. And I have realized that there is “someone” in my life that will never leave me nor forsake me. && no matter what, this “someone” will always love me and will never hurt me. This “someone” actually loves me even when I don’t love back. This "someone" knows all my faults, and still loves me. This "someone" doesn’t just give me broken promises, or empty words about love, but actually died to prove true love to me. This “someone” is Jesus. I love my Jesus
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